Workamphetamine

We shuffled into the factory the next morning. I would have rather stayed in bed, but they have money and pills at work! Its better when I’m at work. When I stay home I usually just masturbate, but not too fast. No, I take my time…hours if need be. I wait until I find the perfect, and free, 30 second pornographic video clip. Only then do I allow myself to cum. Discipline, my friend. After that there really isn’t much else to do. Now that’s no way to live day in and day out! Some of you think that’s a horrible reason to go to work, but you’re poor, no one wants to be your friend, and people don’t admire you…you people wouldn’t understand.

Fuck you! Fucking judgmental pieces of shit!

Besides, they let me out for three to four ours every evening…sometimes. You tell me how the hell I am supposed to buy all the stuff I need without money!

How asshole, tell me?

Oh I see, so my family can think I’m a failure, so I can take someone out on a date in my GEO Metro and bring them back to my 400sq. ft. apartment on the west side and hope that they don’t throw up with disgust!?! So I can be like you?! No one would even want to know my name if that’s all I brought to the table as an active and contributing member of society. Maybe I could eat out of dumpster and beg for spare change too, only to be told by every single person that they “don’t have any cash” or all they have on them is “credit cards”.

You must be fucking insane.

The pills? Lord knows I need the pills. Without them I don’t move, I don’t want to, I can’t…I tried once, and that was enough for me to see the light. The company knows what’s best. They have to care for a thousand other employees. You don’t take care of that many people and not know what’s best for them. Besides, the CEO said “good morning” to me when we crossed in the bathroom yesterday. I’m on my way up!!

Want to hear a true story? They don’t like us to talk about it but…

Last year the company almost went under when they handed out antidepressants before our shifts started. It took a while for them to realize that it wasn’t depression that was affecting our productivity, but rather an acute inability to focus. I am glade they realized it before it was to late. It’s good to know they are looking out for me. Who knows what I would have done if left to my own devices.

There has been some crazy talk going on around here lately.

I have heard some of them whisper as they huddle in around the water cooler at lunch that it could be the job that has forced us to loose our humanity, and that it is the lose of our humanity which makes us indifferent to life in general…or something like that. I don’t know. I honestly can’t really hear what they are saying exactly, I have so much work to do, bits and pieces to count, and a good work reputation to justify. I am a hard worker! If what was ruining our work ethic wasn’t what they said it was…then why do I always get so much done now?

I don’t like to think the other way. Nothing good ever comes of it.

Sometimes when I do my left arm goes numb, and it feels like someone is slowly dragging a frozen knife across the top of my skull. It’s cold, so cold when that happens, it passes though. Although sometimes I want to scream and smash my head against the wall, but that would be crazy, and I’m not crazy. It’s not painful mind you, but every fiber of my being wants to bust with some inexplicable rage. A calm rage…if there is such a thing. No, no that’s wrong. It’s more like a time elapsed tree growing inside me, and it’s all I can do not to let its branches explode from my body.

I go through the rest of the day working frantically, hoping that I get enough done to please my superiors. After all, it is their clock that tells me when I come to the factory in the morning, when I go home. They will let me know when it’s okay to fall in love, settle down, and start a family. I don’t have to worry about when it’s alright to sleep, or get sick. When I can die or make new friends. Who has time for that anyway?

You know what I mean…don’t you?